| d r a c o n i s | why do you weep?

2005-01-08T21:42:00.000+08:00

hey all, just a note to tell you all, if i don't blog here, please check my other blog cause recently i've been blogging more there. yeaa that about it. shall blog again today, but over there, kays?

-tatsu*
[draconis]

DC2.D Gm L5m1.5l1.2n2t8w T200k Phvfwlt Sks,wl Cag,egr_'>bl--- Bfl/ic/co A+++! N"where time passes" M O--- H+++! $- F~cj R+++! Ac+ J+ S U+++! I---!# V+++![fire&ice] Q Tc+++! E#

2005-01-01T13:29:00.000+08:00

for all you poor souls, i shall put up a tagboard here. the same way i did on the other blog.

and for all you people who have no idea what other blog, i'm referring to http://draconis-tatsu.blogspot.com/.

anyywayy. i haven't posted here since three days ago, and the last post before that was in november. so i shall finally let guilt catch up to me, and thusly post.

i got the hp sock and the greenblackwhite shoelaces. *so evil* am i... *cackle* i tied/wove one shoelace around my bag. the school should allow greenblackwhite shoelaces, i tell you. it's called fostering a school identity. haha. my chinese is nowhere near done, >> i'm going to die. x_x gahhh.

lookie >>

pretty!! haha yes i put it up on my devART account. yes, i have one. but i only have that one picture up lol.

*sigh* i'm going to die... what with chinese hw and vic's cousin and 5-day weeks... gahh. oh well. happy new year everyone!

-tatsu*
[draconis]

DC2.D Gm L5m1.5l1.2n2t8w T200k Phvfwlt Sks,wl Cag,egr_'>bl--- Bfl/ic/co A+++! N"where time passes" M O--- H+++! $- F~cj R+++! Ac+ J+ S U+++! I---!# V+++![fire&ice] Q Tc+++! E#

2004-12-24T22:30:00.000+08:00

music : that gensomaden saiyuki end theme.
mood : insomniacally nutzy
current obsession : gensomaden saiyuki / hakkai

vic is bored.

that's the only reason she actually read my blog all the way back to august.

or maybe because there are a grand total of 27 posts in the whole blog.

*sheepish grin*

ah well. let talk about today...

haha me, being me, lost my booklist. so I called sam to get a list of books-which-i-need-to-buy-which-i-don't-already-have. ended up just buying the chinese text, and leaving the lit ones for when school opens. in like, less than a week. damn, but i haven't finished the scrapbook... ahahah. and then, at popular-tampines-mall, they block off the textbook area so that there won't be lots of squeezing and rushing and mess, and they have a table where you can 1) pass your booklist to the popular staff and let them get the books for you, or 2) just tell them which ones you need. and so, i just hummed around beside my mom as she told them that i needed the sec 2 text. [comment: i use a lot of "and so", do i not?] then:

shock. popular person recognizes me, who is zoning out in the middle of a bookshop [oh the horror! so many books to read, and - zone out?] to be more exact, it went something like.

[as she is getting books, pause, turn and looks at me]
"you're junli's junior, right?"
[coincidentally i was still half-zoned-out, and just blinked.]

"you're junli's junior, right?"

*blink. blink*
"aa."

[gets books and comes over]
"in gb right... should recognize you what."

*ahhhhh freakayyy*
i shall mutter about it. *mutters*

yesyes i shall go blog on the other blog, aka the-one-i-created-mainly-so-i-could-mess-with-it-and-invite-sam-to-mess-together. here >> http://draconis-tatsu.blogspot.com. yea.

ja!

2004-11-24T11:21:00.000+08:00

I'm going to be away from 13-15 dec. going to genting. by coach.

and recently there was a coach accident.

thus, i shall write my will.

if i die, my neopets account(s) shall go to samantha.

*sees samantha start looking for choppers and poison and what-not* [wait] let me correct that.

if i die by a non-samantha-related incident, my neopets account(s) shall go to samantha.

wynne can have my m&m container and tic-tac container collection, whch was amassed not because i wanted to, only because i ate lots of it.

i want to be buried with a candy cane. i have an unfinished one i'd like to eat.

if i die, samantha can have her blog layout back.

i want gummy bears.

oh yes, sam?

we got the 'hungry' avatar. the drackonack one. i smsed you, i know, but anyway i spent 160 on cheese which worked faster. yea and ooh look.

i spent another 2k doing illusen's quest *starts edging away from sam* so i was going to earn it back from games, so i was thinking, hmm, has sam hatpc and hatic -ed yet? well, you've hatic-ed 2 times. hatpc none. so i decided to hatpc. then realized that i hadn't got past lv2 due to boredom, growling over the fact that hannah moves sooo slowly, and drowning hannah was fun.

but i used a guide *grin* and got the max 1k, and a 155430 score. annnd

Something Has Happened!

You are now eligible to use 'Hannah and the Pirate Caves' as an avatar on the NeoBoards!

Close Window

66 avvys and counting, not including the gothic usul one. ^.^

-intermission-

*muahahha*
() ()
>-(x.x)->
( >< )o

muaha. muahahahha. muahahahahahahaa!!!

-end-

that was an evil moment.

*thwacks m'kura ---> aka evil conscience*

appearances are deceiving. *muahaha*

ahhh. something's gone wrong. my hatic is going extra fast. not very noticeable, but hannah can dive really fast yet lose the same amount of air, and armin is digging aster than normal. the music's still the same speed, though. maybe its just that my brain's comparing it with hatpc.

i was going to post it earlier. its now 2.47. i started this post at 11.21. o_0. yea well. i went to watch rave, and my mom took over the com to play neopets. shall end this post and give sam the source code. ja!

layout

2004-11-18T22:53:00.000+08:00

moo-sic :
moo-d :

layout is pretty. but i don't get to keep. thusly i shall hog it for the next few days. until i figure out how to put in columns. and my tagboard. thusly you will be deprived of a place to vent your anger on my poor blog.

now, i shall run from sam. for kope-ing her layout.

bwahh

2004-11-18T22:17:00.000+08:00

moo-sic :
moo-d :

if my blog looks rather like someone else's, it's cos i'm messing with sam's code to make the lyrics behave. yea. and i need somewhere to test it. i apologize. but it is pretty, yea?

bwahaha. stupid talkingcock-anti-gep-iness.

2004-11-11T09:29:00.000+08:00

bwahh.

re-read the article sam sent me. the one from talkingcock.com abt gep.

http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=416

its really biased.

i think the arguments by the dhs people were pretty right.

grrrr.

the article tries to suggest that we are cocky, vain, totally muggers, extra-extra-extra-extra-smart, arrogant, that we look down on others, that we only got in due to tuition. and etc.

yea.

i mean like, its not ;ike you really know us. i practically failed my chinese. i DID pass, but just barely.

sigh.

nevermind.

oooh. just got a gold dubloon. dubloon disaster. and wth? my screen just shook. as in the ie window just jiggled.

o.O quote:
Something has happened!
An Earthquake! Quick! Hide under your Desk! (You do have one in your NeoHome, don't you?)

i got a trophyyy. cellblock medal! now i shall aim for a snow wars one. and the bilge dice avvy.

SAMANTHA SOLD HER SINSI'S SWORD.

for 300k and a speckled pb.

did i mention i always wanted my pteri to be either speckled, spotted or fire?

i used to have a speckled pteri...until i lost my password. and the email seems to be wrong.

oh well. gtg. bye all.

2004-11-03T20:02:00.000+08:00

moo-sic : Can't Help Falling In Love with You [lilo & stitch] - A*Teens
moo-d : freakked.

my post disappeared on me.

it was humongously long.

i hate you too.

anywayyy. blogged on camp. shall point form it.

day numero uno

reported.
picked leaves into two
went for briefing.
had some KP thing. fell asleep.
tarbet icebreakers. learnt everyones name with alliteration. [ bright bel, active alison, nutty nicole, graceful grace and graceful-er grace etc :)]
the spider web thing where you gotta go through the string 'web' without touching the string. was carried as i'm small, but felt safe. trusted grp 11 [my grp duhh :] ] ppl.
lunchayy. rice. stuff. chicken curry. cabbage. pears.
icebreakers. ms tay wasn't there earlier, but now she was. so icebroke again.
did rope elements.
sec 1s can't belay. we haven't learnt how to yet.
three hanging logs, one slight higher than the one before. go from lowest to highest. difficult. higher element. bel modelled the way. go bel. she walked. so scary. had heart attack.
we went up. i was last to go, cause it started raining.
rained. went to canteen, played games.
dinner. fish. gravy. peas, i think. something. bananas. rice.
training : first half
stoned in the hall had a talk. don't really remember.
second half :
went to canteen. discussed work plan. for the lics:
house cupboard : organise, make check in/out list, sort.
house tees.
games?
stuff for sports fest/swim carn
supper - vanilla cream bread. milothing.
sleep.

Day 2

woke up. 6.00
brushed teeth, washed face, etc.
sat outside the bunk with hannah, lintong, grace chan. hannah was reading the letter she was writing out loud, the letter was to grace. who was sitting beside her. mr tan borrowd my toilet paper. o.O
ate breakfast. nasi lemak. and milo.
went for stations

commando crawl : a tree and a rope around it. two ends of the rope are tied around posts, making ropes parallel. with all limbs on ropes, crawl from posts to tree. tried diff methods.
learnt safety, innovation. some teamwork [spotting]

nitro cross : two sides. "acid pool" in between.

forget it. i'm giving up here. this post has died [dissappeared] on me THREE times to date. only reason i have until the nitro cross thing was cos i drafted it first. had to go for dinner. thats the only reason. grr. makes me so mad.

basically, the impt things. jumped off challenge pole. really high post. yea. happyhappy break camp on day 3.

shall do another post.

i'm back i'm back and i'm finally blogging!

2004-11-03T18:13:00.000+08:00

2004-09-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

moo-sic : Sky - 11104A3
moo-d : jubilant.

pretty siao now.

i'll describe me to you.

DC2.D Gm L5m1.5l1.2n2t8w T200k Phvfwlt Sks,wl Cag,egr_'>bl--- Bfl/ic/co A+++! N"where time passes" M O--- H+++! $- F~cj R+++! Ac+ J+ S U+++! I---!# V+++![fire&ice] Q Tc+++! E#

that was in The Dragon Code V2. if you want you can go to http://www.wyrm.demon.co.uk/dc/ and decipher it. yea yea.

hey well i forgot to blog. argh shall cont. tml kay?

friendship is a two-way thing

2004-08-25T21:32:00.000+08:00

moo-sic : Rowan Tree - Traditional, We are One - Lion King II : Simba's Pride, Disney [featured lyrics]
moo-d : forget this part, kay?

friendship is a two-way thing.
what goes for her goes for you.
it applies both ways.

i discovered something today.

playing the piano calms me. or at least stops my hyperness.

i played for a long time today.

mich?

you know something?

maybe you don't.

maybe you don't even want to come here anymore.

maybe you don't care anymore.

but those are maybes.

i'd just like to shorten it.

no matter what i've said, no matter what you feel, what you'd like to think about me,
i will still be there for you.

even if i don't seem like it anymore.

As you go through life you'll see
There is so much that we
Don't understand.
And the only thing we know
Is things don't always go
The way we planned.

But you'll see every day
That we'll never turn away,
When it seems all your dreams come undone.
We will stand by your side
Filled with hope and filled with pride.
We are more than we are,
We are one.

My recent blog post WAS biased and totally uncalled for. the strong emotion was, anyway.

michelle would probably be feeling victimized. and feel that i've been totally unfair.

i'll try not to defend my stand so much.

i AM wrong.

and i accept that.

do you?

but i really have to say this :

that episode at the 113 table? you DID say that. and i was totally hurt.

but maybe you just don't remember.

either way i'd forgive you, and i'd hope the same for me.

but i try to tell the truth on my blog. even when it comes out wrong.

"YOU ASK ME FOR HELP. AND SO, I HAVE NO HCOICE". and so she left you alone. and you saw this as further betrayal.

you may have you may have not. it just seemed like you did. i read your blog while writing this. i tried to put myself in your shoes. but i read your blog. and the post before.

If there's so much
I must be
Can I still just be me
The way I am?

Can I trust in my own heart
Or am I just one part
Of some big plan?

" 'you've changed too. in less than half a year. i only knew you better this year, compared to last. but you've changed since then. you've been sticking more with your 113-ers. zeggy and oce and etc. what reason will you give? [yes i call it a reason. i'd still like to think that you won't give an EXCUSE. i still have that faith in you.] class spirit? can't grace have her class spirit too?

If i asked you why you are with zeggy so much more now, will you just say, "she's my friend wad". are grace and i not you friends too?'

you never asked me. so don't go fantasizing reasons for me. you could have asked me."

i never asked you, true. but i never said i did. and i never fantasized. i tried.

tell me, if i HAD asked you, would you have said something like that?

if you want to tell me, be honest.

i'd trust you enough to ask that of you. and believe what you tell me.

i can't help it if you feel it, think it, different from me.

but i'll say that i'm really sorry for this.

because i am, also partially at fault.

"right now, you're also acting like you're the only person in this world. do you really want to know how i've been feeling when im with you from may to now? i've been feeling used. USED. manipulated, whatever you want to call it. and it's NOT because of this. ever since i started to know you, you've been (unknowingly, i hope) changing me into a person i don't want to be. and to me, that's manipulating. "

you know, recently , what with the missing notebooks thing going on, i think grace's really stressed. and now this quarrel has extended to include us.

i think change is part of individuality. i think its part of life. as you grow you change. last year i hated 5566. did i mention in p5 i skipped uhmm almost 1 term of gb just cause i felt it was getting weary?

that was one of the worst things i now think i did.

i regret my choice. but now i'm back.

its up to you whether to change or not. i have changed too. maybe unwittingly. i think i've become a little crazier, a little slackier, a little more egoistic. hopefully i've also become better in my heart.

Rafiki: Ahhh. Change is good.
Simba: Yeah, but it's not easy. I know what I have to do. But, going back means I'll have to face my past. I've been running from it for so long.
{Rafiki whacks Simba on the head with his staff.}
Simba: Oww! Jeez-- What was that for?
Rafiki: It doesn't matter; it's in the past! {laughs}
Simba: {Rubbing head} Yeah, but it still hurts.
Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it.

i'm trying to learn.

"those few paragraphs you invented for me just made this rift between us really big. cuz i hate it when people do that to me. and nicole, you say im not the only person in this world"

the rift has grown.

what's done's done, but i'm trying my best to build a bridge.

will you help me?

'paenitet hominem', [a person feels regret, is sorry]

i just read the gb yahoo grp

both of us will be going for P & D.

do you sincerely think we can get over this bump in the road by then?

-[forgive.forget.can i really do that?]
Even those who are gone
Are with us as we go on.
Your journey has only begun.
Tears of pain, Tears of joy,
One thing nothing can destroy . . .
Is our pride, deep inside,
We are one.

I played for a long time today.

pride: group, family of lions

mmmpfh.

2004-08-24T20:20:00.000+08:00

moo-sic : It's Not Easy to be Me - David Grey, Superman
moo-d : getting upset now. life's not all that fun.

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

Grace just called me.

She's upset.

SOMEONE has been feeling really crabby recently. and decided to blog out her frustrations. or at least what i hope was a momentary rage.

"YOU ARE SO BLOODY IRRITATING. UNGRATEFUL, IDIOTIC, HURTFUL, STUPID, ARGH. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SMART. I HIGHLY, REPEAT, HIGHLY DOUBT IT. BRAINLESS BIMBO. OK? IM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU. SICK AND TIRED OF BEING IGNORED; OF BEING PART OF YOUR PAST, OR MAYBE I'M NOT EVEN THERE IN YOUR HEART ANYMORE. IT SURE BLOODY SEEMS LIKE IT. "

am I in yours? is grace still in YOURS?

"BUT YOU'RE FORCING ME TO CARE. NOW AND THEN, WHENYOU HAVE NOBODY ELSE THERE TO HELP YOU, YOU ASK ME FOR HELP. AND SO, I HAVE NO HCOICE. FOR I DON'T WANT TO LET THAT LAST FAINT THREAD OF OUR FRIENDSHIP GO. BUT IT HURTS TO HOLD ON, AND IT HURTS TO LET GO TOO."

who forces? helping, my dear michelle, is not all about caring. a friendship is a two-way thing. its not totally her fault, but neither is it yours.

"HOW TRUE. FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS STAGEFRIGHT, I AM A VERY GOOD ACTOR. I LIVE IN A LIE. MAYBE I SHOULD STOP. BCAUSE THAT WEB OF LIES IS CLOSING IN TIGHTER AND TIGHTER TO STRANGLE ME. AND IT STARTS FROM THE INSIDE. IT BUILDS UP MORE AND MORE UNTIL IT BURSTS OUT. NOW.

TO PROTECT YOU AND MYSELF, I'VE BEEN HIDING MY TRUE FEELINGS; HIDING MY PAIN, MY HURT, MY ANGER.

IM CRYING WHILE I WRITE THIS NOW. I JUST VISITED YOUR BLOG, AND AS I READ YOUR MOST RECENT ENTRY, I SUDDENLY REALISED. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT ME AND SANDRA; OR ANY OF YOUR ST HILDIAN FRIENDS? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU OFFERED US ADVICE? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU TALKED WITH US, SAT WITH US, LISTENED TO US?

NONE. "

how many times have YOU written abt your "st-hildan friends"? you only ever mention maybe me, or grace before, but only in passing. and the "st hildan FRIENDS"? when talking about captain's ball, and you getting injured. i just read you blog from its first post, and you've never really talked about us.

"IM HURT. SANDRA'S HURT. AND SHE SHOULD BE. WITHOUT MORE THAN A GLANCE, YOU PRACTICALLY THREW US AWAY. I WONDER, WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT? YOUR OLD FRIENDS, OR YOUR NEW LIFE? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD TREASURE US, TREASURE THOSE MEMORIES FOREVER. BUT I WAS WRONG. I'VE BEEN WRONG ABOUT ALOT OF THINGS. I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER CHOSEN A RIGHT FRIEND BEFORE. AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER, I REALISE I SHOULDN'T HAVE, OR I REALISE THEY HAVE BETRAYED ME, LIKE YOU HAVE NOW. RIGHT NOW, THERE ARE ONLY 2 PEOPLE, WHO I WOULD TRUST. AS TO WHO THEY ARE, I CANNOT TELL. I WILL TELL THE PEOPLE THEM SELVES IF THEY ASK ME, BUT NO ONE ELSE KNOWS."

do you know how true that sounds? beginning of this year, we were quite close, even though we weren't in primary school. beginning-term 3, you started drifting away. I was just placing my plate at the "113 table" for a while, and standing there so i could tell you something. YOU, looked up with this annoyed/exasperated look and said, "nicole? what are you doing here? this is the 113 table." I tried to say that I had been there to talk to you, but YOU replied with a "go away larh, this is 113 leh."

recently you've been drifting away. not only from me, but from grace.

I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be... me

"why? WHY did you become like this? change is good, but you don't forget friends like that. you dont just dump them. how would you feel? then again, you probably don't notice the difference because of your NEW friends. i dont take betrayals of 3 and a half years easily. why.

sand and i were looking at a... certain picture taken in p4, and san felt like crying. so did i. why. why have you changed from what you were before? i just can't accept it... can't accept that you could have changed so much in these 7 months. apparently, the past three years haven't meant a thing at all to you.

thought they did.

i treasured them, do you? i don't think so. you're not acting like it. and if you don't think you've done anything wrong, please. im begging you. reflect. think of what you've been doing these 7 months. and if you really can't see what's wrong...

then forget it."

it applies to me too. you just left me there one recess. i swallowed my hurt and went back to my 111-ers they helped. they sat there with me. at least they didn't chase me away.

you think she's betrayed you. and so, you distance yourself from her. maybe b accident, or on purpose, it doesn't matter. the rift began. and think of it this way: when she sawyou drifting away, she tried to get to you. what did you call it? "YOU ASK ME FOR HELP. AND SO, I HAVE NO HCOICE". and so she left you alone. and you saw this as further betrayal.

you've changed too. in less than half a year. i only knew you better this year, compared to last. but you've changed since then. you've been sticking more with your 113-ers. zeggy and oce and etc. what reason will you give? [yes i call it a reason. i'd still like to think that you won't give an EXCUSE. i still have that faith in you.] class spirit? can't grace have her class spirit too?

If i asked you why you are with zeggy so much more now, will you just say, "she's my friend wad". are grace and i not you friends too?

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'bout a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
But dont be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed

"DO YOU? YOU CLAIM YOU CARE, BUT IT SURE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT. IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT AT ALL. IT THE TIMES WHEN I NEED PEOPLE MOST, PEOPLE AREN'T THERE. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE MY BEST SOURCE OF ENCOURAGEMENT IN SEC SCH, BUT I WAS SO WRONG. AND I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT. FOR ALWAYS MAKING THE WRONG CHOICES, FOR RELYING SO MUCH ON PPEOPLE, WHO THROW AWAY THAT TRUST SO EASILY. "

do you care about us?

you once told grace, that everytime she goes home with us, something goes wrong.

actually, you said "everything goes wrong."

and you said that grace never tells you anything. anything about her feelings, and all that.

do you? do you talk so much about how you feel? do you tell us a little more than what you tell us now, about just the surface?

relying. is that all to bad? do you know that i rely on you? to still be my friend? maybe i can't rely on that anymore.

maybe you think i've betrayed you.

just this monday, you were crabbing at me. during the briefing on promoting rg, i was going to ask you sth. but you glared/looked at me and "SHHHHHHH"-ed me. then sandra said sth and you went to talk to you, and you replied, and began at least a short conversation.

i changed seat. went to sit on the steps. i was shifting in my seat before i did that.

did you notice?

i was holding on to my bag, and edging my toes off the edge. you spared me a glance.

nothing more.

I'm only a man
In a phoney red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream

"I HOPE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. IT'S QUITE OBVIOUS. BUT THEN AGAIN, MABE YOU DON'T CARE TO VISIT MY BLOG ANYMORE, TO READ MY FRUSTRATIONS, AND MY FEELINGS. MAYBE MY LINK ON YOUR BLOG IS JUST THERE FOR SHOW. BUT IF YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS YOU, AND YOU'RE READING THIS, TELL ME:

DID I DO ANYTHING WRONG?

TO ME, I DON'T THINK I DID, BUT A PERSON MORE OR LESS SEEMS RIGHT IN THEIR OWN EYES.

SO TELL ME.

to my two best friends whom nobody knows,

i love you both so much. thanks for being there for me all this while. "

i may be [i don't dare to hope] one of your two trusted friends. most probably not. if i am, i've most probably let you down hard. grace read this. and called me. and she was really upset. she just spilled everything to me. now i feel horrible. for her.

if i told you that i was horrible, and someone said all that about me, would you hurt? would your heart try to touch me?

"sigh.just reread neko's blog. nic. mich. nicmich. hm. 2 letters samez. 2 letters close. and 1 x-tra letter 4 me. sigh.so many pp say we alike. eileen even said TWICE that we look so cute together. whee. ze 2 short ones. lolx. (and nic, you are shorter than me. SHORTER.) but dig deeper, waaaaaaaaay deeper... and we can be oh-so-much different. almost enough difference to tear us apart. yeah. troubling. however i don't trust ANYONE enough to let them dig so deep. its sad, but junli was right. trust is a big word. and sadly for me, i dont think i hv met anyone who is "big" enough for me to entrust with that word. again that word. trust. maybe ive been using it too freely before(and its been misplaceed/betrayed) , so i dun reall want to give it away again. and the only other way is to get hold of my diary and read it. and if you do, then you can start counting the seconds before i come and throttle you. SECONDS. or i can get my dog to come attck you the way shes attacking the charlie brown toy now. (tho chances are she'll prob lick you to death instead)"
- older blog, http://manverigreyskies.modblog.com/?show=blogview&blog_id=214563

Trust is a big word. I think that at times, i wear my heart on my sleeve. i tell my blog when i feel really strongly on sth. you my notice that i don't blog so much anymore. usually only when i really need to nowadays.

i let everyone know.

Trust.

who do i trust? even only from these past 8 months, i think that i'd trust at least 2 people.

grace told me that i'm one of the people she could really talk to. i was close to crying.

who would i trust?

wynne. she's been with me for 3 years. though we've grown further, we occasionally meet in the park, or call each other just for the heck of it, and we still stay friends. i've told her countless stuff over the years, and to date i think only she and i know. i only share my imaginary world details with a few, and i thought wynne could. i told her specific names. i never do that. rwy'n dy garu di.

y-lynn. one of my friends, albeit we have never been best friends, but we do share some common ground that bonds us. we discussed dragons, and i trusted her enought to fully express my views on dragons, and again specific characters and traits. ich liebe dich.

grace, i never really knew you before this year. i always knew you as the one who tried to mediate, to try to get desiree's hair tie back while trying to stop us from killing liz.
i trust you. infinitely. you try to stand up for everyone, grace. one day you'll get hurt.

but i'll be there for you. je t'aime.

sam. i don't know you all that wonderfully well, but well enough to trust. we don't really see each other that much these days, but you have a major violin exam coming up. grade 8, yes? good luck. i trust you. kimi o aishiteru.

junli. you've been ther for me a lot, even though i don't see you all that often simply, i trust you. te amo.

God. i'll always always always trust in Him. He will always hear me.

you can whisper in a crowd to Him

i trust in You.

YOU. i'd say i trust you, but now, even i'm not so sure. i'm just really really torn right now,

this blog started out neutral, then it became angry. right now its just upset. hurt.

you're not the only one in the world, michelle.

can you accept that?

-walnut
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

*rwy'n dy garu di, ich liebe dich, je t'aime, kimi o aishiteru and te amo all mean the same thing - I love you.

2004-08-19T20:48:00.000+08:00

moo-sic : rowan tree
moo-d : sleepy

methinks i'm in the 'healthy-bordering-on-sick' zone. been really lethargic recently. anyway, was at go-quiz.com and got these for my favourite people :]

How to make a walnut

Ingredients:
3 parts ego
5 parts craziness
5 parts energy

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt.

How to make a grace

Ingredients:
3 parts pride
1 part brilliance
5 parts leadership

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of caring

How to make a pistachionut

Ingredients:
3 parts anger
3 parts craziness
3 parts empathy

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of caring

How to make a cashewnut

Ingredients:
3 parts anger
1 part humour
5 parts leadership

Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add sadness to taste! Do not overindulge!

How to make a bucklonut

Ingredients:
5 parts craziness
5 parts humour
5 parts energy

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add fitness to taste! Do not overindulge!

How to make a seraph-chan

Ingredients:
1 part competetiveness
5 parts silliness
1 part ego

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt. Yum!

ahhh seraph-chan you get 5 parts silliness! o.O

W	Wild
A	Amazing
L	Lovable
N	Neat
U	Unreal
T	Tasty

tasty? me? tasty?

that's my quiz/form result limit. i will not overshoot my personal limit. don't wanna clutter up this blog too much.

haha yes korea is good at archery. beat great britain by a margin of 5. andandand they got two 10s. one of them hit dead center! the itty bitty dot. whoo.

i'm eating mentos. and i think they got contaminated. my a bit of tiger balm. oh well. tiger balm's mostly oil. clove oil, cajuput oil, dementholised mint oil, camphor. only things that might kill me are menthol (8%) and 'paraffin and petrolatum' (q.s.). what does q.s. mean? i might dieeeeee. oo-er. ack.

haha on monday i was commenting on mr tan and gym and radio music prefereneces. and today clay aiken's solitaire was playing! yeaaa love that song. anyway, so i was telling sam that mr tan was saying that if no one brings cds to play then we'll all have to listen to unpredictable radio music instead. so i commented that i had that pipes cd. and so sam proceeded to haul me over to mr tan and say that i had a cd. a bagpipes cd. and so mr tan actually said : "why not? we can all listen to it, then." oh and he has acknowledged 'color' as the fifth [not-so] important thing in gym! lol yea!

got theory to finish. tml got piano. lol i hv music tml. aesthetics. gonna do our 'sky, look at the sky, look at the sky....look at the birds start pooping.' lol oh well. i really should go and do my theory. don't wanna get scolded. and practice piano. at close to 9pm. *sigh*

guiltyguiltyguilty

2004-08-14T15:37:00.000+08:00

moo-sic :
moo-d :

2004-07-25T21:01:00.000+08:00

moo-sic : Firefly - A*Teens
moo-d : hyperr

ahahaha. freakily hyper. lets start with saturdayy.

actually no. lets start with wednesday. aka racial harmony dayy.

evilness. it rained, and so we had to watch the sec 4 concert in the KSC. and you can't really feel anything. the atmosphere, ya? oh but me and michy noticed the pink-and-blue blob-called-junli. we pretty much went: *stare. blink.* "is that...?" *look at each other. * *hysterical laughing*
yes then after a longlong time, we had our...recess thingie. i still have 3.50 of coupons left. -glare-

oh well. sam was trying to drag me toward the candyfloss-and-popcorn area. but i insisted on looking for michyy. so i went trapaising off to look for my squishy. but didn't find her. so i went to look for sam. i, using my psychic powers and incredibly high intelligence, figured that since she wanted to bring me over to the candyfloss-and-popcorn, she would most probably be there. *beam* aren't i smart?and she was there! a pink-and-blue blob. so i said hi to all of them. and asked the sam and the blob if they had seen a pink squishy. to which the pink-and-blue blob commented that yes, she had a pink squishy, then [roceded to point out the candy floss. a black blob-called-mel-guay popped up behing the pink-and-blue blob and asked if i had seen her cousin, and to drag zo there. i blinked.

and then not long after, i found and lost my squishy pink blob. so i went to ask the pink-and-blue blob again. i said over her shoulder, 'have you see-" pause. that was when i noticed a pink, WALKING, squishy in the queue. grr.

oh yes elisa wore kilt! but i still didn't try the minestrone soup. i prefer cream-of-broccoli. cream-of-seafood isn't too bad, but clam chowder totally rawks! :) haha on friday they told us that 40 -1 -2 -3 earned the most, yes? it's the candyfloss. and the popcorn.

now, to saturday and beyond!

saaaaturdaaaayyy.

there was band! and michy freaked me out. she asked me, "you never bring anything for bike for bibles arh?" then i was like, "have arh!"
"water bottle leh?" i was holding my naish little neWater bottle.
"what about track pants? they said must have track pants or bermudas you know. they said NO SHORTS."
yea well anyway the no shorts thing freaked out me and amelia-the-little, cos we both wore shorts. but it was okay lahh, i think just not-too-short shorts cos of the mosquitoes. maybe 'cos of BB people. *winkwinkpokepoke. haha yes i got that from grace. but i shall try to modify it. no plagarising! :)

i was composing the chinese version of 'firefly'-by-a*teens, which was once done by chen han wei, on some tv serial drama thing when i was little, on Noteworthy Composer [its a software] on the 102 comp. yea ms leow came in and was asking where the seniors were, and we told her that they were at RI practicing for some dunno-dunno-what thing, and ms leow went, "but if they're at RI, then won't mdm Kour be at RI?". all [okay, most. :)] of us had this o.O expression. some had -.- expressions.

and thusly [is there such a word?], ms leow decided to appoint a leader. to, uhhh, lead the pipers.
ms leow : "okay. who's the most advanced among you?"
everyone's immediate reactions : *look toward 102 comp* "nicole!"'

aaaaa yea it was sooooo freakayy. i so cannot lead. dunno wad to do. i think liying would do a better job. and i half-expect squishy to pop up now and comment that, 'no, i should lead all the time', cos she most probably enjoys seeing me suffer. i did not just insinuate that michy is sadistic. nope. *innocent look* but we did manage to get out playing a little more co-ordinated. and julie is getting soo much better! liying taught her on all the stuff we missed while the rest of us re went through our grace notes, which some of us had trouble with. uh-huh.

weell yea. then 10 mins before 12, junli and big-amelia [:P] came in. big-amelia mostly stayed by the door area, but junli [being junli. wonder what time she slept] hopped in and decided to start.. conducting.. us. haha and someone [think it was big-amelia] commented "i didn't know bagpipe bands had conductors." pbbffftt. haha yes. ooooh then ms leow came in and said something about leaving the little ones to do their stuff. haha and no junli wasn't aware that i was... uhmm... in-charge, so to speak. haha but i pretended to kick her. behind her back. *hides*

oh whee. whe whent fhor lhunch aht khay-ehff-see, aht fhar eahst. and yikai was being kinda quiet on the bus trip there. and we couldn't find tiddy, so we left her in school. o.O little-amelia was saying something about someone once saying [cos we were standing in that bendy part of the bus] that if the bus 'broke', we would be the first to die. we started a bunch of 'touch wood' proceeded by touching wood blocks. namely someone else's head. hee. and i stepped on toes. and we reinstated the fact that junli looks [in terms of height lah] like a sec 1. yes. i am so extremely, extra, terribly tall. yepyep.

whent toh khay-ehff-seeh. ih ahte lahrge whipped pohtahtoh and pohtahtoh wehdges. michy ate this meal thingie which took kinda long to arrive. the same meal thingie as big-amelia's, methinks. and so meanwhile mishy ate wedges. and big-amelia ate a small [so small!] whipped potato. and i finished my large in the nice 15 mins. and went over to steal little-amelia's place. and noticed that half of everyone was eating cheese fries. and that someone else's lahrge whipped poohtahtooh was all mixed up with gravy, forming this beige-brown mash. i do that, but only when there's tohmahtoh sauce and chicken shreds to mix in. *blink* O.O and now michy thinks that we're both freaks.

soooo, we badda-badda-ed back to sch, and got on the bus! seems that i'm the only person with bad enough short-term-memory loss to hand in 2 consent forms. aaaaaaah i'm so blur. >.<>

ahh yes i shan't bore with too much talk abt bumboat rides, but big-amelia's hair got really messed. she looked so funnily cute trying to get her hair to not mess. but gave up in the end. and she got splashed. grace things the grEEn trees on mainland looked like broccoli.

ahah yes we got there, and i discovered that the other boat had been singing 'scotland the brave's tune on the way. and when we reached the end -of-the-pier thingie junli and big-amelia were commenting on stacks and arches and hydraulic action and stuff. me and michy stood there looking blank. then ms wong popped up and said that 'those weren't stacks, and there weren't any arches. they were' something abt water defences. o.O XDXD haha yes i got a minimum of 12 mosquito bites. and Mr Mosquito has lost his chances. *winkwinkpokepoke.

aahhh my bike was taller than my usual bike. *gulp* too tall. so i swapped with the naish junli. who, as i like to think, is shorter than me. fine, maybe not. and michy's bike's chain got loose. but we caught it in the end. *wink* yes we cycled and the ubin upslopes are reallyreally horrible. but the downslopes are more-or-less worth it =)

i tried to get everyone to drink ribena. lots of Vit C, yes? oh andand on the trip back to mainland i stuck my head out and got a faceful of salt water. and we had another shot, and i got them to say macaroni!

haha yes i went for dinner at changi village. to quote little-amelia : "what's healthy, nice, and okay for sore thraot, cough and flu?" lol! XD i ate chicken wing rice. all the calories >.<>

won't elaborate much... but. must quote the quote :"arh lai, ni de chao fan hao le.” [come, your fried rice is ready.] heehee so farnie. blurpok. =)

yes today, sunday, my 25 year old cousin got married. yes. and i have a sec 2 niece. my dad said niece. my uncle said grand-relation. who used to be hyperactive. she's my mother's sister-in-law's sister's daughter. yea. yesyes and i got something like $20 from my kind relatives to GB. they don't really bother who the $$ goes to, cos i've done this every year for 4 years now. my cousin used to have to collect donations to, for guides. my relativea are all used to it. all you need to say is :"its for CCA" and they'll donate. =) oh well i'm crapping and this is a very long post. so i shall give you song lyrics, then stop. kay?

You'll be in my heart - phil collins; disney, Tarzan; westlife.

Come stop your crying
It will be alright
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here don't you cry

Chorus:
Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
What they can't explain
I know we're different
But deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them

Cause what do they know?
We need each other
To have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know
When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

Chorus:
Cause you'll be in my heart
Believe me, you'll be in my heart
I'll be there from this day on
Now and forever more
Oooo, you'll be in my heart
You'll be here in my heart
No matter what they say
I'll be with you
You'll be here in my heart
I'll be there always
Always

I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I’ll be there always

-the nut who appeared out of walls
of course i love you.

2004-07-18T15:08:00.000+08:00

moo-sic : Blessed be Your Name - Matt Redman
moo-d : slightly wierd

gb farewell was fun.

gonna mis all the wonderful sec 4s. maybe not all, but i will most of them =). all them wonderful naish seniors. haha when i think of the whole sec 4 bunch [yes a bunch of them. bunchiebunch] i think of this whole mix of swirly colors. vibrant, bright colors.

lol i was there extra extra early. went to heeren after band to get presents with jessica and squishy who tagged along. jess went home, and me and squishy went to tanah merah to meet the levites. haha yea i felt so extra. one itty bitty gideonite there. XD something like 2+. slackkeddd. watched squishy, yikai and jiacong practice their dance. i think yikai can really do her part well. she just... does it. so cool =)

people started arriving [*gasp* oooh.] ahhh then basically i showed tabby and dot the socks. funkayy socks. started discussing our item. [yes we hadn't done anything yet. so evil] levites then chased everyone out. none of us gideonites brought food. basically we didn't hear from li-na abt food. so we got alicia's father to buy chicken wings. *gasp* 70 bucks!. oh well. $7.80 per person.

haha yes me and michy changed into our new ankle socks. and we switched left socks! so we went around with funkayy mis-matched socks X) so farniee. we played games... I have 4 'n's in my name!! sometimes i wish i didn't have so many bits to my name... but my name is naishhh yea?

food. ate like a nicole. XD yea then junli went around giving out those little note-things [whaddya-call-em's] and chocolates to ...uhh. not sure who. i know all the new brigadiers got em. my chocolate melted on the way home T.T haha yes dinner was ending, so dot said : '5 more minutes to dinner!' and valerie said 'you mean we get to eat again?' laame =)

praise and worship! wonderful naish songs. haha then after that we had the items! dot [she's in charge mah] let gideon go last while we planned what to do. i loved the agape advertisement! Fed-Ub! and valerie and the too-high-up heart! levites one was nice! a little mix-up uring lianne's part haha. but the sec ones were really nice! heralds was also very good, cnosidering they had no prior practice [just like us]. and then it was our turn. how in the world does one 'act cute'?! and dorothy poledanced! sam lee and her ronald macdonald =) and me and william hung. oh haha. XD phileo had a lack of manpower [2 people!] so they didn't perform, but their games were naishh.

the award giving was so funny X) christie got 'ms high-pitched' and she was trying to lower her voice pitch after that. so cute. amelia got the 'laffiest award'. laugh. and [this one is soo fitting. michy agrees] the 'lamest award' went to *ms leow and her drumrolls =)* junli. typical :). the 'most called name' [or something like that] went to [guess who] phoebe eudora sim! hee. 'ms ronald macdonald' went to sam lee. see we were accurate in our skit.

captain's adress! i don't really remember it, but gideon's new head is [guess who] tabby. and debbie is vice-chair! dot's chair, not really that big a surprise 'cos ms leow kept talking to her [that sorta heart-to-heart kind.] earlier. and yinghan's the other vice chair. quote: "both vice-chairs are equal. they're both vices." hey well junli's lameness is contagious. is that a vice? o0h no i wonder which part of debbie and yinghan's gonna rub off. and agape got their sec 4's these winnie-the-pooh soft toys. amelia got a tigger! i can spell tigger : T-I-doubleG-GER! couldn't see phoebe's though. i know junli got a piglet =) no you don't look like a pig. but i think tigger would have suited her more. tigger hyper-nuts-bouncier. X) elsie got the agape sec 1s flowers =) and the picture of the old+new trinity has the word 'servery' in the back yea =).

*guilty look* i didn't take a slice of cake.

yea walked to the bus stop with janice and grace. haha grace was trying to get janice close enough to the pool so she could push her in. i was her accomplice :) yes we told janice that she looks very dao. haha but she's nice. she said that when she was sec 1 christie and the rest didn't dare to talk to her 'cos [she thinks] that they thought that if they alked to her, she's just star at them or something XD haha yes took grace home. read her smudged bookmark and my note from junli in the car by the light [no, no of the silvery moon] of grace's handphone's torchlight =)

then i slept. like a nicole.

huggles

the [blooearghh] thingie tml. got no [mmmpfhh]s for the [blooearghh]s

2004-07-16T19:36:00.000+08:00

moo-sic : Go the Distance - Clay Aiken
moo-d : moderately freaked.

oh hmm. there's band tml. now i can't stay home and slack. ah well.

had D&T todayy. mr kong is naish. i had some worries abt sanding my finger. or drilling a hole in my head. :P but heyy, i survived! got to assembly what, 10 mins early? basically slacked around outside the hall.

heyy yea. and i lost michy for a while. got lugged off by vic. haha vic said hi to mrs ang. called her ms ang. then cos vic had her arm around me [she was dragging me ard by my neck. how typical.] and we stopped, so we musta looked close. haha so mrs ang was asking :" are you two sisters? no right? one ang one choo." lol. went downnn to shalom room. then escaped vic and found michy! hitched a ride. [again]

and soo, we were disscussing [blooearghh] thingie for tml and checking tiffy's theory. discovered that neither of us had bought [mmmpfhh]s for the [blooearghh]s. yea. so i asked michy's mom to let me off at tampines mall. went to buy [mmmpfhh]s and rock sugar. whee. got 514g of it =)

There's a Stirring
Caedmon's Call

There's a stirring deep within me
could it be my time has come?
When I'll see my gracious savior
face to face when all is done.

Is that His voice I am hearing?
Come away my precious one.
Is he calling me?
Is he calling me?

I will rise up, rise up
and bow down
and lay my crown
at his wounded feet

There's a stirring deep within me
could it be my time has come
when I'll see my gracious savior
face to face when all is done

Is that his voice I am hearing?
come away my precious one
is he calling me?
is he calling me?
(calling me)

I will rise up, rise up
and bow down
and lay my crown
at his wounded feet

Is that his voice I am hearing?
come away my precious one.

I will rise up, rise up
and bow down
and lay my crown
at his wounded feet

I will rise up, rise up
and bow down
and lay my crown
at his wounded feet

haha yes i like that song. its niice. and got naish lyrics. meaningful. this one too.

Go the Distance
Clay Aiken

The Father and the Son stepped out
Looked down at the world below
A distant world where sin-strong arms
Had struck a fatal blow
There had to be a sacrifice
Across the lonely hill
Someone had to span the globe
So Jesus said I will

I will go the distance
I will go that far
I will give up everything
to bring them where you are
Even tho I could choose the path of least resistance
Father I will take the cross
I will go the distance

To think about His sacrifice
Leaves me with a choice to make
So many stand just out of reach
With eternity at stake
I can be the go-between
Who walks the extra mile
If just one should find The Way
Then it's been worth the while

I will go the distance
I will go that far
I will give up everything
to bring them where you are
Even tho I could choose the path of least resistance
Father I will take the cross
I will go the distance

I will go the distance
I will go that far
I will give up everything
to bring them where you are
Even tho I could choose the path of least resistance
Father I will take the cross
I will go the distance

Father I will take the cross
I will go the distance

so naiiish. yeaaa. mostly the lyrics rawkk. but the song is soo naish too. hmm what should i wear for the [blooearghh] thingie tml? my [michy says awful] yellow JLTC 2003 tee. i think its naiish. or my blue no-fear tee? or my shirt with the dragon silhouette. i want a me-tee. they're nice. oh well. shall wear my pretty jeans. or new shorts thingies. need bermudas.

oh well. and go ham sandwich!

spasticity

2004-07-15T19:18:00.000+08:00

heyy all
haha i re did the blog arrangement =) now the page isn't so long! and its more scrolly. ain't it pretty? but i need more links.

i found out who's tennis ball nearly killed me. i'm scared. =)

oh yeaa and is anyone else going for track and field nats on 28th july? 'cos I am. and all sec 1s have to take the bus back. which seniors are going and taking the bus back? *telltelltellme*

lol i have this sheet of paper on my table, basically you can write there to say that you were there when i wasn't in =) hooray! sec 4 farewell this sat... awww. grace you can come with me =)

can all you people who read my blog tag? i'd really like to know who comes here.... T.T

arghh. com hang. quickquick post.

haha =)

2004-07-11T17:50:00.000+08:00

haha go here.

^^ I was bored.

shall do something totally boredom-caused. it was on a whim. really.

Scotland the Brave
Hark, when the night is falling
Hear, hear the pipes are calling
Loudly and proudly calling
Down through the Glen.
There where the hills are sleeping
Now feel the blood a-leaping
High as the spirits
Of the old highland men.

Chorus:
*Towering in gallant fame
Scotland my mountain hame
High may your proud standards
Gloriously wave!
Land of my high endeavor
Land of the shining river
Land of my heart forever
Scotland the brave!*

High in the misty highlands
Out by the purple islands
Brave are the hearts that beat
Beneath Scottish skies
Wild are the winds to meet you
Staunch are the friends that greet you
Kind as the light that shines
From fair maiden's eyes.

Chorus

Far off in sunlit places
Sad are the Scottish faces
Yearning to feel the kiss
Of sweet Scottish rain.
Where tropic skies are beaming,
Love sets the heart a-dreaming,
Longing and dreaming
for the homeland again.

Chorus

lol. you can find 'mairi's wedding's lyrics too. =) here.

i feel so evil.

hee. lalala. oh yes. tml's gb day. and i have 2 nice new gb fortnight cards. i collected a grand, wonderful amount of $6 last year. o.O yea so my boots are not exactly shiny, but shinier than before. yep. maybe i shall go call michy... =)

-[neko]
huggles~*

2004-07-08T22:34:00.000+08:00

hmmm the tennis-ball incident was on wed. my mistake. so on the ffth day of school. ha got NE fieldtrip tml, but me and sam are bringing our chanters to switch reeds, cos hers is difficult. but she left teethmarks in my chanter. grrrr. haha today 5 people played my chanter. lots heard it.

End of lit. mrs shums gonna go out. then sam walks in and mrs shum sees her. sam asked if we heard the bagpipes. seems they were playing during the lunches =) and then so mrs chum asked how we practiced at home without killing the neighbours, so i handily dug my chanter out of my bag [its been there since wed. i took it out to practice, but i keep putting it back. habit.] and showed her how it sounded. she said it sounded like a weird dying cow! then went off with sam with my nice chanter. and wonderful sam played it. seems that she can't play withou haveing a teeth-grip. thats 2 people on my chanter so far. so we pottered off to the foyer. nothing in class trays. [glares at the-person-who-owes-me-and-michy-letters.] oh but lydia wrote me and mich a postcard.

then pottered back to foyer with sam. saw junli. sam then proceeded to spill the story of mrs-shum-and-the-dying-cow. and so the naish nut's attention was drawn to my chanter, and she decided to try playing it. -.- straighten fingers... lots of laughing. so farnie. shall say that you looked extra funnily-cute trying to play the chanter. and showing others that you uh...sort of can. sam escaped before junli tried playing mary-had-a-little-lamb. turned out quite ok. but the second one wasn't so well. couldn't tell what it was. =)

seems that i need to get a life. specifically a lyfe. odd. i have a life in God already =). but i'm not allowed to get a lyfe? o.O =) if you didn't get the above, don't bother. i think only what, one? two? will. haha so I escaped to lyfe. then played 3 notes. and they got interested. mary blew one note. that's no 4 to touch my chanter and play. seems that our camp is gonna be slacking-bonding time =)

hah was let out at 4.50, went to look for sam. left my bag in foyer and went up. so cyute. sam came out of raffles room just as i went up. so she saw my chanter. kidnapped it into auto. and so i went in. saw quite a few people i knew. uhmmm. shall skip the shu-ting-and-camera part. yea. save her.

germaine tried my chanter too =) the last =) nd when the auto ppl were let out, me and sam went to bus stop gate and just stood there. i played my chanter and netball ppl gave me looks. then sam had to go. then i went off.

saw amanda and junting at wisma. ended up going home with them, but junting got of at dhoby ghaut. went with amanda all the way to simei, though. she's one head taller than me. haha said we look like sisters =) both 'bullying' each other. haha =) shall not sayy anymore abt

heyy yo got this from michy's blog.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
LAYER ONE: What is your..?

>> Name: Kai'drek'rin. but you can shorten it to walnut.
>> Birth date: 12 Nov
>> Birthplace: leedle red dot on the SE asia map
>> Current Location: where my heart is.
>> Eye Color: black. could be very dark brown.
>> Hair Color: blackbrown.
>> Height: vertically challenged. 148.5 two months ago.
>> Right handed or Left handed: right

LAYER TWO:

>> Heritage: i have NO idea. none
>> Weakness: easily distracted. believe it.
>> Biggest fears: heights. needles. say injection kind. embarrasment. dunno why.
>> Your perfect pizza: cheese! olives! cheese! ham! cheese! olives! tomato sauce!
>> Goal you'd like to achieve: I'd like to survive. and become timer. though michy, for some odd reason, thinks that my height means that i'll be drill com. o.O wtf?!

LAYER THREE: Your…?

>> Most overused phrase(s): pick one: wheee. poke. haha. nut! mrreoww. what? huh?
>> Thoughts first waking up: sigh. school. when's my recess today?
>> Best physical feature: my nice height which puts me at a comfortable position for being an arm-rest. just ask vic and sheryl. but i think that all of me is good. not perfect, nor that nice, but good. 'cos God made me =)
>> Usual bedtime: late. don't probe.
>> Most missed memory: SHPS. shps people, gb, slacking. gb 35th.

LAYER FOUR: Preferences..?

>> Pepsi or Coke: coke. but orange juice is naish-er. sunkist type.
>> McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's. KFC's whipped potato and potato wedges are nice. i'll eat a 3-scoop large whipped potato. in less than 10 mins.
>> Single or group dates: uhhh. date? today's the 7/7/05. there are group dates? ;)
>> Lipton Iced Tea or Nestea: neither. jasmine tea, freshly brewed.
>> Cappuccino or Latte: uhh. the coffee with milk and 2 packets of sugar, and nothing else.

LAYER FIVE: Do you…?

>> Smoke: nope. won't.
>> Sing: love it. was in choir for a year, but i switched schs.
>> Take a shower every day: yea. unless i'm so dead beat i can't move.
>> Do you think you've been in love: duhhh. God. =)
>> Want to get married: maybe. we'll see ><
>> Believe in yourself: I believe that if i believe in myself and god, he will help me believe in both of us. =) so yea, i believe.
>> Get motion sickness: if i get engrossed in watever i'm reading, no.
>> Think you're a health freak: i eat junk food on a daily basis.
>> Get along with your parents: sortof. but recently there's a tension. we're getting over it.
>> Like thunderstorms: love em. i feel free. to quote me telling stella, " when it rains, i feel happy. when you feel happy, your heart feels free. and you world exsisits in brighter shades of grey."
>> Play an instrument: uhhh. recorder. piano. learning to play the bagpipes on my wonderful precious chan

hmmm

2004-07-06T20:45:00.000+08:00
haven't seen mrs mohd since she asked us to write a reflection. i'm not sure, but i think that the incident is behind us 111-ers already. dunno bout mrs mohd.

wonderful wonderful gracenote and your naish letter on what i did. shan't elaborate, but just like you to know that i love yous, mwah frenn =)

-huggles bucklonut- naish nut. thanky you for all the advice? -is that the word- on this... but i still don't think its healthy to read and tag people's blogs at 12.53 am. not when you have bio mocks later in the morning. you did, didn't you? -kinda blur on this-

ah well. shall tell you about school, and etc.

well. basically i almost got murdered by a little yellow fuzzy tennis ball on first day back. *glances suspiciously over to 403* not intentionally, of course, but still... i have a faint suspicion about who's tennis ball it was. -nods sagely- and yeaa mingwei got booked twice on the first day. poor her.

haha discovered how we should polish boots. something about leave it the the hot sun for the wax to melt, then it'll look really horrible but after that when you polish itll be nice and shinyyy. sam thinks that using a candle is better, but 'when the wax on your shoe bubbles, you have to redo the whole shoe.' o.O

oh yes... don't play the chanter at 2143h. you'll get murdered, if not yelled at [albeit by your little sister]. haha gonna try sam's reed tml. if she brings it. anywayy..

-[neko]
huggles~*

the event. horror. emotional upset.

2004-06-26T21:39:00.000+08:00
sigh.

my class in for possible [and highly likely] dc. unless we can talk to mrs mohd.

the situation:
we accidentally let off a stink bomb in class during lunch [thurs, first day of school]. it was under control in about 20 minutes, and dr slatter was nice enough about it [eg. he was very nice about it. no complaints. no scoldings. he even went searching for alternate places for class if it didn't de-stink. even though de-stinking cut 10mins-- from his lesson]. we had everything nice and done. cleaned everything up.

but then samantha commented on it to mrs mohd. [i like to think she didn't mean to. hate me if you wish, 111-ers] and mrs mohd might give us dc.

and now 111 wants to ban samantha from our class. 111's my class, therefore i am obliged [read: have almost no choice] to do what our class decides. they haven't decided on the ban yet.[i think]. and see, sam's my friend. 111 seems to link me closely to her. i was one of the first people they thought of that might have told her. [see how close they think we are?].

anyway, sam's my friend. and i know from alice that she feels downright horrible now. really upset. [she went to talk to alice]. she's my friend. i won't ignore her. but there's 111. class-loyalty thing. i think that it's just a gimmick.

i will not ignore [ban] sam.

hate me, kill me, glare at me, ostracize me, scorn me, look disgustfully at me, think that i'm an enemy, whatever. she's my friend.

and from what i knew of the class, that we don't really discuss things fully, [i'm stereotyping, assuming, etc] but the chances are that the idea was put forth by one or two people, approved by 5 more, passed around the class saying 'we want to...' and by 'we' its assumed the rest of the class already knows and agreed. that's how our class is.

and it hurt to think that the one or two people who suggested it might be those/that friend(s) whom i believe i am close to, who sometimes tend to [like me, i admit] have ideas like this, act rashly [like me], and usually feel very strongly and very stubborn about it.

it hurt.

it still does.

[log update]

the let-off-er [i won't let you hurt her too.] wants to, and is going to, talk to mrs mohd to try and take [full] responsibility. and i [i know i'm fickle and troublesome, always so disagreeing, ma2-fan2 person.] think that we did also have a part in it. after all, we were the ones who laughed when we tried to start it off, threw it around the class waiting, and all went eww and laughed when it did go off.

life just isn't fair.

but what difference does it make? it never truly was. but my life i now dedicate into God's hands. He will help us get through this rough patch.

sigh.

i had to go to a nature race thing today, teach the little kids about three kinds of animals, freak out over the short time limit, bring them around. and that was afternoon. i found out abt dc and the teacher incident this morning, about sam and that she really felt awful. just now, let-off-er stepped forth and now offeres to take the responsibility.

and now i'm just tired. just tired.

spending time with the LYFE sec 3s and sec 2 =)was fun, and it did help take my mind of this for a while, but the barrier cannot hold forever.

i am tired of this.

[end log update]
-[neko]
help me. i ask of you to help. to free this torment that reside within me, that gnaws at my mind. help.~*

y-lynn, thank you.

whydoistillloveyou,evenafteryouwoundedmesoverydeeply?

post script: but i won't go suicidal. i just need to talk to someone, something.

holidays.

2004-06-26T21:30:00.000+08:00
of the holidays and beginning of school

nothing big i really want to say. except.

for the second time in my life, i went to church [can you say church church.]. yea. my aunt, uncle, and cousins [their son and the other three] are christian, [the other three] only recently while my aunt's family have been for quite long.

i don't go to church [haven't, even since i became christian in april. 3rd april this year, to be exact.]. my family accepts my being christian, but they would still rather i not go to church. and rather not as in, "can don't go?" in that no-argument voice.

i cried in april. turns out it was my [fellow relatively-new christian] cousin [sec 4, bukit panjang government high, and in singapore youth choir =)] second time, first being VBC. she cried. its funny how those who go to church regularly [read: since young] sometimes tire of it and feel reluctant to go, but those who rarely [read: practically almost never] jump at a chance to go?

and there was the stink incident. the one i shall move above.

my dreams have been dark of late. i need letters.

-[neko]
huggles~*

a thousand apologies

2004-06-22T23:19:00.000+08:00
hee.

the title reminds me of a certain joke...about a genie and a woman. =)

back to blog. i haven't blogged in really long. yes. in... what, three weeks? *guilty look* i'm sorry... been wading through the ocean of homework. maybe i'm exaggerating just that teeny little bit. ^^

just discovered that there's more math hw on the class server. nd that i have a geog trip tomorrow. working out how-to-get-there with my mivhy. MINE.

oh yes. the mundane non-school related stuff.

the bishie sites don't have the super yo-yo series. some have it under super sonic spinners, but there are almost ZILCH sites with pics on Hojoin. SEITO HOJOIN!!! -glomp-

but. the consolation is that there are lots of kai hiwatari pics out there. kai. beyblade. the dumb anime. but KAI. yes. Magic Knight Rayearth's Eagle and Clef. and Cardcaptor Sakura's Clow Reed and Yue. YUE!!! -angel-in-white- *sigh* if only they were real.

my dad's trying to find my blog. o.O

i had this wierd dream. in my dream, i knew this little skye terrier. the scotish kind. with breeding from the Highlands. odd. knew it all my life or so. don't know how dream-me knew, but its those dream things. so one dream-day i went to look for it. *no it wasn't mine* and when i got there, they had this sad look. he was dead. T.T yea. and then i woke up for a little while and i had tears in my eyes. almost as if i had experienced the thing first-hand. freakayy.

hmmm. and i was looking at junli's msn pic *it looked oddly familiar*. and i got traumatised. again. its THAT picture. from Buckle Activity Day. (aka B.A.D.) the one with Mr Tan and my white squishy rat and me. the one and only tarbetian in te gang. forced to take a picture. oh, the - uhh.uhmm...the word would be...shame? nahh. they were nice. but i didn't want to take a photo. not since -someone- *can't remember who* said, "hey buckleans, lets take a photo!" note the word BUCKLEANS. and they dragged me into it. *sigh* why do i even go to those things....and squishy wants me back there next year. claims i can be an ambassador for buckle-tarbet relationships. -.- sighh.

i created an account on deviantART.com. gonna upload anything worth uploading there. got a fanfic.net acc too, but i'm only using that for commenting. the possibility of me writing a story is one in 730. of course, that means that there's still a slim chance. slim. as in went-on-a-permanant-diet slim. lol =)

anime!anime!anime!bishie!bishie!bishie!animebishies!animebishies!animebishies!

-[neko]
i have used up my rant space. the end.
squiggle~*

[ nostalgia ]

2004-05-28T22:38:00.000+08:00
last day of sch was the day before. i was sort of looking forward to it, but not really looking forward. odd. maybe 'cos i keep thinking of fridays as 'end school' days. so only on wednesday did the full impact hit me. 28 days of no-school. o.O i'm a bit slow at times.

so anyway, went back to st hilda's on thurs. was the 1st ex-geper there. i was there at 7:03 in the darned morning. the p6s are soo nice. they mostly say stuff like "go box your ears, -fill in name-" and "can some one box him?". no cursing. not in front of me. then they made me go downstairs to see my old math tr. scary. shan't tell you anything about that. then i went back up and sat with them until 9:00. someone brought uno cards [going to be psle still can play Uno?]. and so we all sat down to play 'cheat'. otherwise known as bluff, i think. i lost to my chi tr from p5. she cheated a lot. but no one really dared to open the cards and see.

haha whee. so i went down and played and ate. won 3 soft toys, but gave one [the soft toy dog] away to my old-and-still-best-friend's little sister, who didn't win anything. I myself lost my own little sister. whee then at abt 12:00 i found squishy and tiddy. hauled them over to michy's p5 sister [valerie tan...=)]'s stall. then over to her OTHER sister's. [tiffany] yep. then i saw gladys. and then i ate some more. and vicchoo popped up. she wandered around with me and michelle a little, then we all migrated to the old [and rickety and badly-needs-tuning-and-fixing and needs-a-hammer-and-2-new-keys] piano. played songs...like...uhm...'the power of your love', 'the heart of worship', me and vic's different versions of 'dedication', the shp school song, rgs school song, more christian songs, twinkle twinkle little star [to which michy sang the coconut song] and more...but i forgot.

then me and vic wrote another note to 35th coy. and squeezed it through the small gap at the side. |i went back on fri and -someone- had pinned it up with a thumbtack...wrinkly page and zig ink and all!| yayyy!!

next: B_uckle A_ctivity D_ay.
i was hauled there. by squishy. i would have dragged vic, but she was.. highly reluctant. that is to say, she refused to no matter how i pleaded. yes. whee. on 190 at orchard, i practiced my 1st ever teddy torture. i will spare you all the details -too gory- got to school...signed in *sigh*. saw junli and showed her the poor tortured teddy, which she very nicely saved.

michy and i then proceeded to the ks chee. [making myself sound smart. let me boost my ego alittle...] tortured my teddy again! after that when the lights came on and the buckle people saw it juliet rescued it. -what is it with prefects and rescuing poor tortured teddys?- ah well. i was the only non-bucklian there. yep. got whacked by what i suspect was a roll of newspaper...hmm.*glares at juliet.* played a game where juliet died and...decided to start floating around the other teams site. yes. then mr tan came in. -i can't get away with ONLY seeing him during PE, right?- and he looked surprised when i said 'hi mr tan'. odd. whee then we ate all the green stuff. and there was that biscuit thingie...and he was eating up the pink/red ones. so i went on a rescue mission. before the second movie [yamakasi] started i manage to get a large handful of pink ones...yep. then someone was asking if we should call the prefects in...dunno abt that. but they came in later. that part i know.

oh yea...i remember hearing a noise...then i looked behind-right of me [i was lying down] and seeing a pb tee...so i told michy that the prefects were in. and she looked and said 'oh.' about 5 mins later someone was saying "squishy". but kinda soft. i was too busy watching the movie. squishy then poked me and informed me that junli was here. so i looked behind-right of me again and there she was. and then she said hi. and if you happen to be reading this, i shall inform you that when the ks chee lights are all switched off and you're watching a movie around the more...action parts AND you hear somenone whispering 'squishy' and you turn and see some one who wasn't there not-so-long ago and she says hi after a short pause, it kinda freaks people out. specifically people like me. -can i claim i have a weak heart?- yes. so i'd appreciate it greatly if you DON'T DO THAT AGAIN. or else i'll either murder you or poke you endlessly. yes. ooh grasshoppers. michy is scared of grasshoppers. amelia merely blinked at them. yixin is okay with them. junli's reaction to a samantha-holding-a-grasshopper was "aah." then after "go away, samantha!" i picked up one, and was trying to see how long it'd sit there, but it hopped off eventually. yep. and...sam let it go at the bshes near the prefects room... -prefects and pits beware. as with all people going by that way to the clas tray-. michy claims's she's gonna stay away for 6 months until it dies.

well. today. went for prize giving. they stuck the stupid globe thing on with blutack so that it'd sit. -.- yep oh but before that i saw gladys.

first thing she said was :"i got them i got them i got them!!!"

me: "got what?" *blur look*
gladys: "our third year badges!!!"
me: "oooh!!! where where?"
gladys: "in my bag!"
-nicole gets her badge-
gladys: *jumps around*"we are more senior than our seniors!" [exact quote]
me: "wait 1st!" *put down bag and toys carefully.* *jumps around too*

so basically both of us were jumping around like idiots in the canteen, holding our 3rd year badges. =) so funnnn. did i mention it was the p2 and p6 recess? yea. anyway, i shall stop here. this is getting so very extra extremely commonly longwindedly long.

-[neko]
huggles~*
*Huggy and Cheeser wave*

one step at a time

2004-05-23T21:27:00.000+08:00
I have rediscovered the wonder of Disney songs.

When i listen to songs, i usually pay more attention to the lyrics than the music. but the song usually sticks in my head for ages later. Some of those of those songs really have a meaning.

"Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear
or how a road can seem so seems long
or how the world can seems so vast
on this journey to the past
.
One step at a time
One hope then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign
Let this road be mine
Let it lead me to my past
And bring me home
At last."
-Anastasia. "Journey to the past"

"We were strangers,
starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
what we’d have to go through
Now here we are,
and I’m suddenly standing,
at the beginning with you

No one told me
I was going to find you,
Unexpected
what you did to my heart,
When I lost hope
you were there to remind me
this is the start

And life is a road
and I wanna to keep going
love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
life is a road
now and forever
wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
in the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers
on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming
how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road
and I wanna to keep going
love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
life is a road
now and forever
wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
in the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me, alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
Ive been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

And life is a road
and I wanna to keep going
love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
life is a road
now and forever
wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
in the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on
Starting out on a journey

Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you."

-Anastasia "At the beginning"

we sang that orientation...*sigh*. such a nice song.

And then there's "On my way" from Brother Bear...

I really like those songs. Just read Grace's blog. discovered that she likes Anastasia too. I'm using lots of Anastasia 'cos it... was on Disney channel yesterday night. and today afternoon.
-[neko]
huggles~*

oooh. piccys

2004-05-21T21:00:00.000+08:00
i've been playing ard with pics and some nice phrases, and lookie!!

thankies to junli for the song! and yes, it was niice. now i'm stuck on that song.

by me. it needs more work, like, make then smaller, maybe.i'll work on them, kayy? *promises to* oh and sam tang is also doing some, and hers are really relli naish!!! cya'll!!

-[neko]
huggles~*
andiwillalwaysloveyouall

*note: microwaved nuts stay home. no parks for you. ;P *blows a raspberry*

i'm nutty.

2004-05-19T08:07:00.000+08:00
hey all. my blog image broke. so i have temporarily changed them. still need to do some work on the blog part, tho. make spacing, adjust heights etc. =) but at least u can read my blog now, yes? *grins*

oh yes. i am officially undepressed....but i still need hug. *i always need hugs*. poke. i have discovered that when i write letters, or blog, i tend to leave out caps. when i type, in general. when i write the letters, i only capitalize the 'i's. as in. I went to blahblahblah. oh well. got 3/6 for my hist essay. could have gotten 5, but i handed in late. why was it late? i was sick. but miss rozanah still took marks off...and she's my form teacher. meaning she has my MC. grrr.

oh whee. chinnie tagged! -huggles- tagtagtag my board moremoremore. huggles. thankies for being so niiice. why didn't you come for uor last psl session?? *wails* hmm.

i have fixed the cursor....now its what i planned it to be....

gtg. type later.

-[neko]
huggles~*

ah whee

2004-05-06T21:00:00.000+08:00
congratulate me.

i need someone to talk to

sighh. i'm sick. fever. arghh.

this little walnut was okay
this little walnut got roasted
this little walnut got better
this little walnut got roasted again
so this little walnut stayed home all thursday

and if i'm not better on friday, i'm not going to school. that's what the doctor said, uh-huh.

but. i will go to school on friday. i have a bio EOI!! i already missed a chi ying1 yong4 wen2 test on tues, and hcl spelling and an eng test on thurs!! arghh.

and. by hook or by crook, i'm going to school on sat too. well, not by hook or by crook lahhh. but gb ish naish and i am naish and naish things go together. besides, my mc doesn't extend until sat :P

oh well.

hmm yes. first i shall thank all the people who told me to take care and to rest and all those people who missed me!

isaac*// aka W E A P O N from runescape 2 - even tho i don't actually really know you ya? you were still nice enough to tell me to takkair, to quote you. =) no i won't hug you.

junli*// - ah whee. i'm running my 2.4 in august. yepp. 2 days after your birthdayy. doctor decided i was too sick. yes i shall properly hydrate myself. andd. roasted walnuts are in great demand. =) ~pokey-huggles~ sleep more. 3h 30min daily isn't enough. nope. people like you need a minimum of 3h 45min. haha whee i'm being lame. your lameness is contagious.

phoenix darkfire ~ samtang*// - yes i know ya missed me. judging from the way you noticed i wasn't at the 2.4. =) and when you and michy practically pounced on me when i came back on wednesdayy. luvyaa!!

squishy-the-sqooshy-mishy*// - whee. didja miss me? sry i didn't bring your froggie back... -gomen!!- forgive this sick nicoleee. -sniffles-. actually i can't sniffle. my nose is too blocked. =) anyways, sorry i didn't bring [her? him? it?] back, and for not being there to run 2.4 with you, kayy? -yes i luvya too-

111 | t h e o n e s ' 0 4 | *// - yeaa! i know you all missed me...well maybe not all. but i hope some of ya missed me. and i know that some did. -werawk!goeleveners!*

all else who missed me but i was too deep in the haze of sleepiness to remember*// i luvy'all!!!

hey yea well. i'm road marshalling! whee! i signed up for 3rd slot for the stall too. wheee. yepp. and oh gracenote, if you don't already know, yes, you, michy and me can and -hopefully- are going for both bike4bibles and gb fundayy. funday rawks.

hmm. full uni this sat. sighh. oh well. me ish filling up my bloggie with pointless ramblings. haah whee i shall bid thee a good night. farewell all, and takkair!!

*muacks*
-[neko]
love you all
`alwaysandforever.

2004-04-29T16:21:00.000+08:00
heyyy.

in sch now. yepyep. foyer. shall repeat what i said on my board. th links on the right are only to...places. bloglinks are at the bottom. shall write in RP style. RP as in roleplay. i will not mention RaPro on my blog. no.

"sleek canid trots 'cross shadow-strewn plain, unaware of th'dangers 'round him. barely an adult, he had set off in search of another pack.I see no reason to stay where i am not appreciated. gleam o'fang was reveal'd, lip curling at the bitter memories. pillars halted abruptly, wolvern wheeling 'round to snap at an imaginary enemy. a triumphant grin spread 'cross his ebon'hued maw, emerald eyes narrow'd.

night fell swiftly, casting midnight brujen into th'darkness o' th'pre-moonrise night. oculars strain'd for each hint of light shed by the slowly twinkling stars, pinnae perch'd alert 'pon th'varg's dome.

not alert enough.

a sudden movement, a leap from the dark. a snarl erupt'd from th'dark wolf, cut off by fangs biting cruelly into his jugular. storm-pelt'd vix' laugh'd silently. th'youngling stuggled, tho' 'twas in vain. no one had yet overcome the Alphess of the D'reg'nrul pack. another trespasser. they never learn.

morning rose on a silent land. all trace left o' th'femme were but a single pawprint."

sighh. haven't roleplayed since...last year. oh well. spent, what, 15 mins on that? used to be better. sighh. oh well. gladys says she saw jasmine crying. wonder what happened...all the sec 4s seemed [actually, they just ARE] stressed. awww. -hug-

shall quote my current fav song. i listen to it over and over and over. turns out its the dunman peer support anthem. and it was one of the most requested songs on 90.5fm.

"Lonely fear lights up the sky
Can't help but wonder why
You're so far away

There, you had to take a stand
In someone else's land
Life can be so strange

I wish we never had to choose
To either win or lose
That we could find a way (We could find a way)

But I won't turn my back again(turn my back again)
Your honor I'll defend
So hurry home, and 'til then (til then)

Stand tall, stand proud!
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright (hurry home. ooh)

I'm not here to justify the cause
Or to count up all the loss
That's all been done before

I just can't let you feel alone
When there's so much love at home
We're sending out to you

All the courage that you've known
The bravery you've shown
Clearly lights the way

We pray to make the future bright
To make the wrong things right

Right or wrong, we're all praying you remain strong
That's why we're all here and singing along

Stand tall, stand proud!
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Know in your heart how our love burns bright

Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright

You are the voice
You are the light

Stand tall, stand proud!
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright

Stand tall, stand proud!
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright

You are the voice and the guiding light
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright."

mmm. sighh. can't do much to really help you relive all that stress, but i can at least try to take some away. trust in Him. He will take all your burdens. luvluvluvy'all.

we have 11 nuts!! oh whee. grace isn't a nut. she's a note. a gracenote. =)

this comp is cuddy. shall continue at home, k?

*muacks*

luvy'all. -yes i do-
-[neko]
huggles~*

he will make a way

2004-04-28T18:40:00.000+08:00
wheee. i'm off depression.

but. now i'm hyper. again.

anyways. thankies to all you who encouraged and helped me and pulled me out of wallowing. not that wallowing was much fun. it gets...depressing.

~*grace zhangie - u rawkk! oh and lookie a waddle colour!! u listened. to all my crap. and my bemoaning. even when you had your own pressures to cope with. and your own...snapping not-so-long ago. whee for you and your niiiice help. lurrrrve yaaa!!!! -naturally i do-

~*baadd chestnut - whee! typed in a buckle color. happy? ^.^ yes, u rawk too. *thwacks chestnut* 5.55 in the morning? who goes online at that time on a school day? oh yes. you. sighhh. =) but, thankies for posting on my blog. and sending ze nice sms. poems. luvya lots. *pokies chestnut* of course you can listen with your heart...you're not heartless, are you? ;) lol i'm being lame again. all the best this year!! come back for gb in jc, ya? *shall make you promise. did sam tang do that already?* whee. once again, luvya!_{_{still think you are pokey. and no, you can't dance. according to our dear michy, neither can you sing. especially not the nemo theme song. nope.}}

~*cashewnut - heyy!! another bucklean! -is that how you spell it?- you and mich didn't really know about me being upset but you still helped!! running around with you during recess helps, yea!! whee! poking seniors with you is fun. we have an amelia and a chestnut to poke, yes? luvluvluvyaaaa! 'course i do!

~*michy-the-+forbiddenword+ - michy!!! another green font-er. my niiice, sqooshy st hildan frenfren!! wheee! only *really* known you since abt p5, or was it p6? hmmm. oh well! u rawked!! and duhhh, me luv youuu.

on to yesterday. ooh. me and abi k. set fire to the benchtop during bio. alchohol SO does NOT like me. not much. yea well. that was the main exciting thing. my half of 111 stayed on topic for the first time for philo. talked about -guess wad- HOMOSEXUALITY!!. -.- mr teoh let us out earlyyy. 5 mins. rs was basically niice. mr desmond ma finished his presentation at 2:30. made us highlight notes until 2:40. then went downstairs and stoned while waiting for th13rteeners. whee!

today!!

decided to be nutty again. depression gets ... depressing. had science in ze lab. talked lots of theory, yes? farnie maria sebestianette oh. wonder why there's a sebastianette. kinda just stoned and was hlaf-dead throughout the rest. don't remember much.

oh yess.. sth we said last philo -last thurs, 22^th April 2004.-

abby k. -my partner in crime for setting a particular benchtop on fire- :chocolate is better than sex. so we should all eat chocolate
walnutty me blurted out: cos there's no chance of you gicing birth to little chocolate babies!

coincidentally [or not so] choco babies are this really nice brand?/type? of chocolate. tasty, they are.

oh well. crapping up my own blog. shall see you all nice people next time.

-note to sam- no, i won't bring my chanter on fri. can't risk you+chanter+assembly. definitely not. not after monday's experience.

-[neko]
squishy-hug~*

and i -do not- hate you too.

2004-04-27T08:50:00.000+08:00
-continued from previous-

"God will make a way/when there seems to be no way"

sighhh. if anyone has any of those inspirational stuff, messages or anything, u can send it to me. need cheering up.

i have figured that gb's what's been keeping me going the past, what, 2 months? that isn't supposed to be good, is it? i'm supposed to concentrate more on school. but i think i now practically live on gb. maybe have lived on it since p5 or 6. i think that was my de-stresser during PSLE year. most probably. i went until mrs ng schased us away and told us to stay home and study. =). feeling happier, but still not-so-happy. ohwells. wheee. thinking abt gb makes me haaaaaappyyy.

in school, i seem to act happy. no one thinks there's any difference. no one notices, even those if been slightly withdrawn this morning. siigh. hmm. i think grace is the only one who knows i'm feeling downnnn. she gave me a hugggg on my board. mmm.

i shall blog later at home...

luvya all, -yes all, even those i think i hate-
-neekoleee.
huggles~*

2004-04-26T19:08:00.000+08:00
wheee. shared a large whipped potato with zhangie. ate an ice cream from mac's. that made me happy. . talked with grace about sl-ship. read the nice messages she got fr junli. that made me smile. threatened to kill sam if she played the chanter downstairs -out of block j-. luckily there wasn't any assembly. she was -yes, she was- planning to bring it there. that made me laugh.

i am glad for those.

but.

recently i've been feeling dowwwnnn. just feel like crying sometimes. in fact, read grace's latest blog post and just...cried. and i've felt kinda like grace felt not so long ago. like...let me quote zhangie. my niiice grace zhang. if you don't want it here, tell me.

"i was really feeling stressed up tt day. really...so i started talking crap about everyone else. you know...venting anger? true, i dont mind being called dumb and stupid and all tt, but well...it gets irritating once in a while, how would you like it if you're known as the "blur, clumsy stupid one". sure, it's fun to be laughed at and all...but if you're continuously laugh at...it gets on your nerves sometimes. im a clown am i?"

pretty much like she said. not exactly that though...i don't mind as much about being known as something, but then people tend to forget that you, too, have feelings, that you may not like something too, that you too may need a hug.

i need a hug.
i need to know people recognize me.
i need to know people know i exist.
i need to know that i am not just another passing figure in your life.
i need to know that i am known.

tell me what i need to know.

and then there's SL nomination. we did that today. no idea why TODAY. i dun really want to be an SL...kinda deprived...-that made me smile-...but i do know that eepheeleen reallyreally wanted to be an SL...she was nominated, but the votes didn't go so well for her... i will, must give er a hug tommorow. that's one of my...its not a job. i just don't want to see people so sad.

who's going to give .me. a hug?

who really cares if I am sad?

i have no answer to the first, but i am sure -i have faith- that my friends -those who know me and understand at least a little of me- care. grace, michy, zoe, samantha, sandy, yikai...i am thankful. and of course, God will always care.

"I walk by faith/each step by faith/to live by faith/i put my trust in you"

-[neko]
huggles~*
i hug others even when i need one...it helps me in a way...

siighhhhh. wheeee!!

2004-04-24T21:51:00.000+08:00
hmmm. boredommm. came back from the LYFE Get Wild thingie. wheeee. darn tiring. personally, i'd rather have been drilling. heard that the stage 3 ppl did a 'demo' 2dayyy. also heard that -someone- almost laughed. wheee. oh yes.

I'm in Gideon

i get lots of reactions...one was : "ohh...poor you...wait. what was your first choice?" lol. ohwell. noted that all 3 of the -got-gb-'background'-ppl- got into gideon. hmmm. they all put gideon as 1st choice too. hmmm. ohwells. decided that lunch and recess is basically when nice liddle sec1s run around shouting "what squad did u get into??". wheee!. me favourite word -formerly-for-this-week-but-now-for-this-month- is wheee. just so you know. wheeee!! ohwhee. +skewered and roasted chestnut+. feel so eviill. oh. cos i ate a brownie-with-nuts on fri. a brownie-with-WALnuts argh. cannibalism. hmpph.

wheee. definitely comng back for gb in jc. sam tang wants to, i think. missed how-to-play-g-grace-note session. crash course from sam tang on monday. wheeee! gb rawks. methinks the junior u. is niice too. still calling haversacks sashes and it doesn't really matter anyway so i shall keep calling em sashes. pretty much the same. random crapping here.xhawann. your mortal keeps bugging me about who u are. =).

pokeypoke. -i hereby dub sammy and michy two of my best gb frens-. miss lydia. sim. and vera. and etc. baaad sammy-the-p6-prefect. she quit. shall gripe about pointless stuff. but i have gladys. wheee. i am not alone. oh. gladys....can i wei tuo you to go back and ask mrs ng? wheee. oh yes.. missed getting my membership card today. -oh. mrs ng owes us that as well.- heckk.sleepy. ambush people. heard junli and amelia got...ambushed and poked today. had fun, u lot? i missed it..sighhh. waaah. shall vow never to miss gb unless i have something major. like today. hmm. dhsguides are weird. sleepy minds do weird things. girls' brigade forever. hmmmm. read sharan's blog on love and how you can't say 'I love you' out loud without half of everyone else freaking. the world is saaad. but it has its guiding lights. and the voice inside. stand tall; stand proud! to all those whom i love out there, wheee!. if you love me back, whee! for me. it doesn't have to be made known...remind yourself that there is someone who loves you.

sighhh. getting too crappy. i make my concern known here. out of my blog i'm a -almost- constantly happy person. always hugging. it helps. if you're saaad and you see a not-happy person, don't you feel sadder? i try to cheer people up. i try. although sometimes i don't suceed and end up being a pest. ignore that. smile for me..

has it occurred to anybody yet that I too, may need hugs?

oh dear...i will not complain. shall be happy. w00t. drill. sammy tang saiz u ppl did more static turning. and falling in and out. who timed for my group?? -i'm supposed to time...- wheee!! zoe put gideon as first choice...and she got in. angeline is now having slight indesiciveness. she said that now she thinks that gideon is also nice but don't know if can switch from agape. but she doesn't think she wants to switch anyway.

me, sam tang and aliiiice have regular convos. so funn. we always seems to discuss about -the same topis almost everytime-...sighh. =) sleepy me. me and sam are niiice good friends and we visit each others classes almost every morning and we like going down for assembly together cos we are niiice good frens and michy sometimes comes along. so fuunnnn.

ohwell. shall stop here.

-[neko]
squish-hug~*
luvya. really i do.

he will make a way...love you all out there. smile for me.

haah. stoning.

2004-04-21T07:51:00.000+08:00

siiigh. hmm. still keeping this blog a secret. i think only 1 person other than me knows where it is, but I think she's forgotten. lol. oh well. hmm.

-yesterday- 20/04/04

heex. walked to bustop with sands, crossbreed zhang, gladys and uhm...yuhan. yep. she gets off same mrt stop as me. w00t =). walkwalkwalked. saw gillianne and amy in front. oh yes. -flashback- was talking abt drill with beebee. found out that the rcy ppl have done cepat jalan and some of the homats. argh. we gb ppl still doing turning. but she says that the rcy ppl can't keluar baris properly. and mrs ng owes me and gladys our 3rd yr badges. she says we must some back .again. to get them. lol. anyways, saw amy, told her that bee was scared of her. then she said 'yea, i'm a tyrant.' and something about the sec 1s calling her mr something. couldn't hear properly. ohwells.

gladys said amy was at the UG experiential camp. -me can't spell-. and so gladys dared me to ask her. uhm. so i did. she was. at the rcy mass dance. and she asked me if i did 'the silly dance'. of course i did. then i told her gladys was there. so she asked who gladys was. and i tuuurned around and saw gladys near the backbackback of the bunch. gladys claims she did the 'silly dance' as well. i believe. heex. turns out junli was there too. feebee i know was there...she took lydia euphemia's grp [which was my grp too!] for the nail thingie. found out during gb camp that lydia also wears the horrible yellow shirt. wore it during gb camp. forgot that that was from ug camp. even with the awful logo on the front. i usually ignore it. -i miss ug camp- arrgh. i miss camps in general. camps rawk. i'm going back for 35th's camp this year. and i have decided to come back during JC. if my sis ends up in rgs, [which she most prolly will], i might see her. she's joining gb next year. only next year 'cos she's only p2. but she decided to join gb last year. siiigh. my mom thinks that i shouldn't influence her like that. but why not? gb raaawwwwks. when i was polishing boots notsolong ago, she asked if she could watch. went something like this S=sister N=me.

s : can i watch you polish boots?
n : for wad??
s : so next time i go rgs go gb then i know how to polish boots.

uhhh. riiite. that's niiice. another gb-er. i figure i'm gonna be a gb-er for life. darn sad that st anthony's pri don't have gb. on got browniiies. which is one reason i am thankful for GEP. made me transfer to st hilda's and intro-ed me to gb. i was actually deciding between gb and choir... went for gb. decided to join sth new. gb. w00t! lol. why am i going into detail about pri sch gb? -hides info- nope. none of you just read the above paragraph and found out that i was a gb-er last time. nope. lost all my badges anyway. how'd i get started on writing abt gb anyway? ooh. the goinghome-sawamy-gladysremindedofugexpcamp-askedaboutmassdance-rememberedthegbstation-rememberedcampsingeneral-talkedaboutsisjoiningSHPSGB-rememberedwhyijoinedgb. a journey down memory lane. siiiiiigh. this is long.

Think positive... look at the world as a giant chocolate cake.

It wouldn't be complete without sweets and nuts.

Sweets like me and nuts like you!

*ahem* I'm supposed to be a sweet. but. i am a nut. should i be a sweet nut?

heex. so went home laffed about lame jokes and farnie seniors. discman ran out of batteries. gracie claims she no longer crushes anna. grace, if you read this, i wasn't mad at you either. and you can go ahead and crush whoever you like. you're my friend, you've been my friend, and i'll just accept it and live with it.

-todayyy-

lala.back home now. stayyed back until 4:30 sumthing for lyfe stuff. could hear the bagpipes from the pavillion. yes. wentout of sch with maaary. met her friend at traffic light. took bus down to orchard. her friend left at mrt. me n mary went to KFC. amazed mary by eating a large whipped potato. -its only a large...- called vicchoo. mary told vic a 'true account' of our meal by saying tt i ate enough whipped potato to feed a small family -that's not true...- arranged to meet her. met her after eating my large whipped potato. freaked her when she confirmed i ate a large whipped potato. left mary on train, got on train. got got off at ceeeteee halllll. we got on the other train. then we heard a someone calling me. =) turns out grace was there. and we met -dunno how to spell name-. the one who asked me if i had a sister in rg or sth. went hooome. poor grace can't listen to discman. not even handphone radios. -all SLs, PITs and Prefects are deprived-.w00t. vic and -dunnohowtospell- kept listening to you're the inspiration. chuggachuggachugged all the wayy to tampines. got off. i went to buy stiickers. preettttyyyyy. bought ice-creams with vic. mac's icecreams rawk. tasty. walkwalkwalked. saw 2 rgs gals getting off a bus. turned out to be ann-margaret and sheryl. wow. they had sl. cool. went home. onned the com. started typing:

-todayyy-

lala.back home now. stayyed back until 4:30 sumthing for lyfe stuff. could hear the bagpipes from the pavillion. yes. wentout of sch with maaary. met her friend at traffic light. took bus down to orchard. her friend left at mrt. me n mary went to KFC. amazed mary by eating a large whipped potato. -its only a large...- called vicchoo. mary told vic a 'true account' of our meal by saying tt i ate enough whipped potato to feed a small family -that's not true...- arranged to meet her. met her after eating my large whipped potato. freaked her when she confirmed i ate a large whipped potato. left mary on train, got on train. got got off at ceeeteee halllll. we got on the other train. then we heard a someone calling me. =) turns out grace was there. and we met -dunno how to spell name-. the one who asked me if i had a sister in rg or sth. went hooome. poor grace can't listen to discman. not even handphone radios. -all SLs, PITs and Prefects are deprived-.w00t. vic and -dunnohowtospell- kept listening to you're the inspiration. chuggachuggachugged all the wayy to tampines. got off. i went to buy stiickers. preettttyyyyy. bought ice-creams with vic. mac's icecreams rawk. tasty. walkwalkwalked. saw 2 rgs gals getting off a bus. turned out to be ann-margaret and sheryl. wow. they had sl. cool. went home. onned the com. started typing:

you get the point. me wanna sleep.arrrgh. can't go for gb this sat....saad. relli relli lookk forward to gb... me luv gb.

-[neko]
blinky-hug~*
he will make a way

.smile for me. [please stay alive] -voices that care/are crying out loud-

2004-04-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

once again, its sunday. hmm. with reference to this title, to all u classmates n seniors of mine, stay alive. recently i keep thinking of stress, and how everyone seems so...tense. then i wonder about the things you might do...and i freak. if not for yourself or your loved ones, then for me. live.

i'm going paranoid. oh well. feeling emotional lately. lots of wierd thoughts flying around

when your world breaks down / and the voices tell you turn around / when your dreams give out / I will carry you

not literally, but i will be there for you, as long as i am able to. don't hide it all. and i have plenty of hugs at hand. just ask.

take care, and take courage from me

-[neko]
huggles~*
God will make a way / when there seems to be no way

2004-03-27T18:02:00.000+08:00
hmm. let's just tell you that I have a passion for silver. don't ask. just know.

-[neko]
huggles~*

| d r a c o n i s | why do you weep?

layout

bwahh

bwahaha. stupid talkingcock-anti-gep-iness.

i'm back i'm back and i'm finally blogging!

friendship is a two-way thing

mmmpfh.

*guiltyguiltyguilty*

the [blooearghh] thingie tml. got no [mmmpfhh]s for the [blooearghh]s

spasticity

haha =)

hmmm

the event. horror. emotional upset.

holidays.

a thousand apologies

[ nostalgia ]

one step at a time

oooh. piccys

i'm nutty.

ah whee

and i -do not- hate you too.

siighhhhh. wheeee!!

haah. stoning.

.smile for me. [please stay alive] -voices that care/are crying out loud-

guiltyguiltyguilty